"No, you can't be trusted to have a .quote(...) method, just use parameterized queries where you pass in the SQL as text in an object and the actual value in an array, and we'll opaquely drop your update with a {..."status":"UPDATE 0"} response" <-- statements dreamed up by the utterly deranged.

I mean, sure, you could use Gentoo and compile everything from scratch, but for a real challenge have you thought about using Perl on MacOS?

The future is just going to be reading documentation to figure out how this particular environment that someone else has set up wants to deal with its database accesses because someone had a good idea and someone else fell for it, forever, right? This rant brought to you by accessing Postgres from Typescript. Fuck I just want $dbh->quote(), is that so hard? (And, yes, I'm muddling through this on MacOS, so apparently that involves compiling Perl from scratch.)