Finished! (For now)
So I chucked it up in the milling machine, milled it down a bit, then tried to clamp it at an angle to put a bevel back in some of the pieces, and of course that caused the whole thing to flip out of the clamps and be munged by the bit and... yeah, it was ugly.
With no place to buy a replacement bridge open yet, we decided to make our own, out of purpleheart and some strip brass I had around, and lo and behold it let us put it in exactly the right place, and sounded awesome! What's better, there's enough room in the frets and vibrato in Daniel's playing style that the micro-adjustment didn't matter, he was playing with the sound all the time anyway.